Mothers' losses motivate them to focus on SAFE

 Continuing their efforts

Sandi Reneberg and Denise Miller

In 2013, Sandi Reneberg lost her son, and in 2015, Denise Miller lost her daughter in crashes because they were not wearing seat belts. They shared their stories in the Put the Brakes on Fatalities Day blog series in 2017 – it can be read here.

After these losses, Sandi and her husband helped to start the SAFE program at Thunder Ridge High School in Kensington and Denise, a high school teacher, sponsored the program at the school. While seat belt usage for students at the school has increased, they are continuing their efforts to help reduce traffic fatalities.  

So many lives cut short - Update

By Denise Miller and Sandi Reneberg

Although the SAFE (Seatbelts Are For Everyone) program has been active at Thunder Ridge High School (TRHS) since 2015, Sandi and Denise both are keenly aware some students still travel without securing their seat belts.  A SAFE seat belt survey taken in February 2020 showed a decline in those buckled up, along with an increased number of distracted drivers. Something needed to change.

Adolescents, and many adults, need routine reminders of what is important.  In March of 2020, the SAFE program at the high school provided just such a reminder. With the cooperation of local emergency personnel and parents who know the pain of losing a child, TRHS held an assembly for students. Parents were also encouraged to attend. 

The program began with an eye-opening video about the dangers of texting and driving. Officers from the Sheriff's Department, volunteer firefighters, and EMT first responders gave accounts from their experiences at accident scenes. Each had difficult memories of a time when he/she had been first to the crash location. Their testimonies were followed by emotional appeals from broken-hearted parents.

In this rural Kansas community, everyone looks out for each other. When one member of the close-knit neighborhood is lost, everyone is affected. Parents pleaded with students to ALWAYS buckle up - if not for themselves, then for their family and friends, because every day is a struggle for those left behind. 

After the assembly, a senior boy approached Denise saying, “You know, Mrs. Miller, I have never worn my seat belt. But after today, I will never be without it.”  

The Thunder Ridge SAFE Program, which Denise continues to sponsor at TRHS, hosts programs like Miss Kansas and ThinkFast Interactive to increase teen awareness about traffic safety. Sandi’s family began a “5th Quarter” event following Friday night games, where teens can hang out with their friends without traveling the roadways. 

Both families, along with community members, stay focused on the task at hand - keeping our kids safe. Denise and Sandi move forward in faith that making an impression on one student is worth it!

 

I should have tried harder to motivate him

By Chris Fisher

Chris Fisher, center, with his brother, left, and father.

Even though it has been nearly four years since my dad’s accident, I still remember that day, and days that follow like it was last week.  I can play
it all back in my head.  Every single moment.

It was February 12, 2018.  10:30 a.m.  One day after his 60^th birthday.

My dad, who was a stone and brick mason had just picked up a load of sand in Bonner Springs for a job he was doing a little farther down the road in Johnson County.  Just as he exited one highway for another, for some reason left the road to the left, overcorrected, crossed the road to the right and overcorrected again. 

Dad rolled his one-ton dually, loaded with sand two-and-a-half times.  He was ejected on the last roll, which sent him head-first through the driver’s side window.  He went straight up in the air and then came straight down, also head-first.

Dad wasn’t wearing a seat belt.  He never did.

Out of all my memories of the accident, the one that I wish I could forget the most happened the day after his death as we went to collect dad’s belongings inside the mangled truck.

I was expecting wreckage far more dramatic. In my head I was hoping to encounter some gnarly pile of twisted metal in a heap that nobody could have survived – seat belt or not. 

That was not the case.

In fact, the cab of his truck was fully intact.  Yes, it was banged up, but all but the driver’s side window was still in place.  Both doors opened with little effort. 

The truck Chris' dad was driving at the time of the crash.

Dad would have walked away from that crash if only had he been wearing a seat belt.

Ugh.

After the accident I beat myself up because I felt like I could have done something more to motivate him to wear a seat belt. I should have tried harder.  I would tell him about all the tragic accidents we cover at WIBW, the overwhelming data that supports how seat belts save lives, how people would die all the time when they didn’t have to.  Blah blah blah.  It all fell on def ears, God love him.

My dad had retirement in his sights.  He was looking forward to becoming a full-time farmer – his herd of cattle was growing, he spent weekends on the property putting up fence and making improvements.  He was really working hard to set himself up to enjoy his golden years. 

But that didn’t happen.

He worked six days a week for nearly 40 years only to die while on his way to work.

Chris Fisher is the Digital Media Manager at WIBW-TV

Please read Chris’ previous blog here

You just have to breathe through the pain

By Jacque Tierce

Danielle Tierce

 Sleepless nights, severe anxiety attacks, uncontrollable crying, deep depression, high blood pressure, nightmares, replaying the past, and daydreaming of what the future could have been are a glimpse at living through the loss of a loved one. Birthdays, holidays, new births, weddings, first days of school, and such are all constant reminders, she’s not here and never will be again. Sometimes you just have to breathe through the pain. A pain that will be there for the rest of your life.

On May 26, 2018, my beautiful daughter, Danielle, made a decision that not only took her life, but flipped life upside down for her entire family and so many friends. She was texting on Snapchat while driving down the highway at 65 mph, didn’t see a semi in front of her that slowed to make a turn, and slammed into the back of it without braking. Thankfully she did not have her 3-year-old son with her and thankfully nobody else was injured, physically anyway.

“I miss my mommy,” her son tells me. Me too buddy, me too. “My mommy had an accident right here,” he says as we drive by the dreaded oil-stained spot on the highway. She has already missed his first day of school, several birthdays, first experience playing baseball, school programs, and countless other events with so many yet to come. All moments Danielle would have been glowing over. Her son was her life. Those opportunities are gone for both Danielle and her son now because of a Snapchat that just couldn’t wait. Now we spend our time trying to keep her memory alive for him, telling “mommy stories,” and breathing through the pain.

I spent the remainder of 2018, all of 2019, and the beginning of 2020 (until COVID hit) traveling around to different schools in Kansas and Oklahoma telling our story. At my side was Shiane Wondra. Shiane’s story is exactly the same as Danielle’s, except Shiane lived through it. “Is it a risk you are willing to take?” - we would ask the students. I would leave each presentation and drive home bawling the entire way, sleep for hours afterwards, and pray we made an impact on at least one! If we can save just one family from going through this pain, it’s worth it.

What is distracted driving? One might think, it’s a text message. While texting and driving is one form of distraction, it’s not the only form. Being distracted is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as, “having one’s thoughts or attention drawn away.” Therefore, anything that takes your eyes or mind off of the road is a distraction.

I cannot tell you the number of live videos, pictures being taken, phone calls being made, or people scrambling around to find something in their car while driving. I STILL have friends that do these things. It’s heartbreaking. Some people just will not get it until they go through it. It can change your entire life, or the life of another, in a matter of seconds.

On our Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/doit4danielle/, is my original blog and countless stories of tragedies such as ours. Help spread the word! Help save a life! No matter what your age is, be the example. Make a commitment today to put your phone down while driving. Meanwhile, I will continue to share our story and breathe through the pain.

 

Jacque Tierce, a grieving mom

Link to Jacque's previous blog here

 

For crash victims’ families, the moment of truth about the worst

Part of a Kansas Highway Patrol trooper’s job is notifying next of kin when a person dies in a car crash. One trooper remembers a mother collapse in a doorway. Another caught a mother crumpling to the floor. This is the second story in the four-part series involving KHP death notifications. 

 Watch Trooper Hileman's video and read the story below.

‘Squeezing each other’s hand so tight’

Technical Trooper Tod Hileman

Technical Trooper Tod Hileman has done a “handful” of death notifications over the years.

“One sticks out the most to me,” he said. In a way, it was personal for Hileman.

It was a double-fatality crash on a highway at the edge of a town. There had been three teenage girls in one car that crossed into the oncoming lane, hitting the other car head-on. In the other car, the two occupants had been buckled in. When Hileman arrived, they were standing outside their car.

It was different at the girls’ car: The driver had been “jettisoned” through the windshield. She was dead, lying on the pavement in front of her car, a sheet over her. A girl in the back seat had been wearing only a lap belt, high over her stomach. She also died. Only the front seat passenger was properly buckled in. She had injuries, but they weren’t life-threatening.

The last thing the survivor remembered was a cell phone going off. It appeared the driver had reached down for the phone when she veered over the line.

Hileman had work to do with the team of Highway Patrol investigators who collect evidence, take measurements and diagram the scene – to reconstruct what happened. It was hectic because traffic had to be redirected on the busy highway. He was going through the car, looking for items that might need to be collected as evidence. So he had to look through the girls’ personal items. All had IDs.

Part of the process is to make sure that victims are being correctly identified. It involves taking the ID and matching it to the person – a body.

So Hileman was at the point where he had to walk over to the girl covered by the sheet, lift it. She was on her back. He lowered the ID close to her face and quickly confirmed a match.

He was still over her body, he recalled. “And it just dawned on me …. All these thoughts and emotions were going through my head.”

She was the same age as his daughter, and like his daughter, she was tall, “very pretty,” same hair color, same eye color.

“I just kind of had a flash that it was my daughter lying there.”

 And then he paused in retelling it -- paused maybe five seconds.

“So that really hit me,” he said, finishing.

Later, “being a dad,” he reacted to the crash by beseeching his daughter: “Please. Please,” he told her. “Pay attention. This is horrible.”

That day at the crash scene, after the bodies had been removed and car towed away, he was notified that the driver’s parents were waiting on the other side of town, at the father’s workplace. On his way, he thought to himself: “This is the worst part of our job.”

He explained: “It’s very emotional, and I’m a soft-hearted person anyway.”

He pulled up to the father’s business in his official car and uniform and saw her parents, standing, surrounded by people he assumed were relatives.

“Looking at them, already I had this covering of dread all over me, especially with a young person that’s just starting life ….

“So dad was standing on my right, mom’s on my left. Dad has his arm around mom’s shoulders.” The father was taller, so “she’s got her arm around his waist,” he recalled.

“And they were grasping hands in the middle, between them. … What caught my attention was they were squeezing each other’s hand so tight … I just got the sense, like if they could squeeze each other’s hand tight enough,” that he would “tell something else,” he recalled.

“Their knuckles were white.”

After he had parked his car, “all eyes were on me.” As he was trained to do when getting out of his car, he grabbed his trooper hat. But that time, he threw it back into the car, walked up to them and “told them the words they never ever wanted to hear in their life.”

The parents sobbed. He doesn’t remember what they said, because in that moment he was emotional too.

 “You try to save kids’ lives,” Hileman said. “I have to relive this over and over again. And maybe I can reach someone with that story.”

Still, he said, it’s so emotionally taxing for him, he doesn’t tell the story often.

Motorcycle safety has increased, but so have the dangers

 By Mike Bright

Becky and Mike Bright

It is hard to believe it has been eight years since I wrote my first post on motorcycle safety. In many ways riding has become safer, and in some ways, it has become more dangerous. It is safer today because of technological advances on the motorcycle. Today’s modern bike is generally equipped with antilock brakes, traction control and most have robust LED lighting. But it is more hazardous in other regards.

Eight years ago, the automobile driver with a cell phone in hand was statistically as dangerous as an impaired driver. That has not changed. But as more technology makes its way into the cabin of the car, the distractions grow! How many people have, what amounts to a tablet, imbedded in the dash of their vehicle? And yes, the cell phone still reigns supreme. I have personally pulled alongside a car on the freeway, at 70 mph and watched them drive with a knee while looking down at their device.

On two-lane roads, I have followed vehicles that veer back and forth across the roadway. I’m fearful to pass as I don’t know exactly what they will do. For these reasons I have become an advocate of centerline rumble strips.

In my last blog, I wrote about a frightening experience my wife and I had on a rainy night in Kansas City. I wish I could say it was the last one, but it was not. However, we remain vigilant riders and keep alert for errant vehicles. We have taken steps to make ourselves more visible. We continue to wear apparel with reflective markings. Our bikes are equipped with reflective material on the back and sides. We also continue to ride defensively. I want to encourage my fellow riders to do the same.

I want to encourage my fellow riders to consider your side approaches. Modern motorcycles have good lights to the front and reasonable taillights. However, most motorcycles have no side lighting. A vehicle approaching you from the side, at night, really cannot see you until perhaps it’s too late. We have added reflective material to the sides of our bikes as well as our helmets.

Do you wear a helmet? This is an issue that I have grown into. Many years ago, I was the first to say, “I don’t need your silly helmet!” Today, I have attended enough funerals. I have also had mishaps that, had I not been wearing a helmet, my head would have been laid open. You may not want to spend $500 or $600 on a helmet, but your brain, your life, is worth at least $100 to $200. You can buy a good helmet for that price.

The fact is, you may be an excellent rider, but that will not matter when you have a close encounter with an errant motorist.

Be safe and enjoy the ride!

 Mike Bright works for KDOT in Chanute

Read Mike’s previous blog here

 

 

Lives were saved - because of seat belts

 By Leslie Fisher

 It’s every mother’s worst nightmare. On Feb. 11 of this year, in the afternoon, I got a couple of phone calls from an unknown number in Tulsa, Oklahoma. When I got the first call, I declined (thinking it was spam), then they called right back again. So, I did pick up the second time.

 It was my oldest son, Joshua, calling me from a hospital in Tulsa. My son was driving his semi down to Texas to begin his own trucking business and got involved in a terrible accident about an hour past Tulsa. He was traveling down with his girlfriend, her five-year-old daughter and their dog.

 They had stopped at a rest stop to wait out the storm during the night and then switched over to a different highway that was supposed to be clear, according to his GPS. They had just gone through a small town and hit a stretch of highway that was solid black ice.

 He started to slide sideways and across the center median and was t-boned on the passenger side by an oncoming semi. He and his girlfriend were wearing their seat belts, or they would not be alive today.

 My son received lacerations, severe bruising all over, a sprained knee and ankle and eventually passed some gall stones due to the impact. His girlfriend received multiple bruises, laceration, a lacerated tendon between two fingers in her right hand and a severe compound fractures of her lower right shin, both requiring multiple surgeries. Her daughter and dog were secure in the sleeping bunk and had a few scratches but were otherwise physically unharmed. The truck was totaled and ended up at the salvage yard in about four to five different piles.

 So, our message to anyone is - always wear your seat belt no matter what you are driving - they will save your life. For the second time in less than five years, seat belts have saved the lives of my mother’s grandsons. A blog about my nephew, Max, was written by his step-father and published in this blog series in 2017 – click on the link here.

 

Leslie Fisher is an Applications Developer at KDOT in Topeka

For crash victims’ families, the moment of truth about the worst

Part of a Kansas Highway Patrol trooper’s job is notifying next of kin when a person dies in a car crash. One trooper remembers a mother collapse in a doorway. Another caught a mother crumpling to the floor.

Why share troopers’ accounts of notifying families the worst has happened? This four-part series as part of the Put the Brakes on Fatalities Day safety blog is to emphasize the importance of traffic safety. Troopers see the consequences. They experience the painful fallout.

The is the first story in the four-part series involving KHP death notifications.

Please CLICK HERE to watch Trooper Gardner's video and read the story below.

 

A tragic Easter morning

Technical Trooper Ben Gardner

Technical Trooper Ben Gardner was sleeping when the call from dispatch woke him around 3:30 a.m. Easter morning.

Two pickups had collided on U.S. 56. An investigation would show that a larger pickup crossed the center line and struck a smaller pickup, killing the smaller vehicle’s driver – on his way from his late-night job to his wife and children.

Gardner could see marks showing where the fatally injured driver tried to steer away from the oncoming truck.

By sunrise, the trooper stood at the front of door of a woman who didn’t yet know she lost her husband. Small children gathered around the woman. They all looked confused. They expected to see their husband, their father, not a trooper in uniform.

After confirming that she was the victim’s wife, he told her what he had to in clear and concise words.

 “I say what I was always say: ‘It is my sad responsibility to tell you that your husband has been killed in a crash today. He is dead.’ And then I pause.”

In Gardner’s mind, that situation – “the most difficult moment in their life” – requires him “to be the best shepherd.”

“At that point, it’s about being a human being.” And as he continued to recount his sad obligation on that front porch, Gardner began to choke up. He paused. “I’m the person who will cry with the person,” he said.

What he remembers, after telling her, was her silence and her small children wandering away.

Sometimes in those situations, he said, “My words have struck them so hard that they fall to the ground.”

Others, like the woman, react with silence. Others, with anger.

That morning, the woman stood silent for a long time, Gardner remembers.

The man whose truck struck and killed her husband had been driving intoxicated and would spend almost 5 years in prison for it.

Years have passed since Gardner stood on that porch.

“But,” he said, “it’s still something I still think of.”

Annual Put the Brakes on Fatalities Day blog series to begin

Some stories share triumph about a life saved. Some stories tell about the tragedy of a life being taken. All stories illustrate why safety is so important on our roadways.

KDOT and other transportation organizations are participating in Put the Brakes on Fatalities Day, a nationwide safety campaign. As part of those efforts, KDOT is hosting an annual traffic safety blog series where people share personal stories about significant moments in their lives, and some moments changed their lives forever. 

As part of this series that begins tomorrow, four Kansas Highway Patrol troopers relate the painful experience of notifying next of kin after a fatality crash. It’s something they never forget.

The purpose of these stories is to bring attention to the importance of practicing safe driving and to understand the real-life consequences when crashes occur. Together we can help put the brakes on fatalities.