Lifechanging decision that changed everyone’s future

By Patty Schalk

You have probably all heard that wearing your seat belt could save your life in a vehicle accident. From personal experience, I would say many people have developed a good habit of buckling up every time they are in a vehicle. Some are just the opposite and rarely, if ever, buckle up.

January 1997 - my family had a life-changing vehicle accident that forever affected each and every one of us. No, we were not all in the vehicle that rolled over on the turnpike leaving Topeka. It was just one of us, my brother.

I’m not exactly sure of all the details as it happened 25 years ago. I do remember my parents, his wife and myself rushing to the hospital upon hearing my brother had been in a single car accident. He and his passengers were all thrown from the vehicle. I don’t remember if the passengers were wearing seat belts, but unfortunately, I know my brother wasn’t for sure. All the passengers survived and were able to walk away with minimal injuries. But my brother’s head was injured when he was thrown from the car, causing a traumatic brain injury. 

He was in a coma where he stayed for two weeks until my parents made the decision to remove his life support. We were prepared to say good-bye, but when the machines that helped him breath were turned off, he started breathing on his own. Since he had been in the Army, he was able to be transferred to a VA traumatic brain injury facility in Iowa where he spent the next four months recovering. His wife had not been to see him since the first few days in the hospital. Shortly after the accident when she learned of the extent of his injuries, she filed for divorce. When he was able to leave the hospital, my parents brought him home to live with them.

His life and ours had forever been changed. My parents’ lives had changed from being empty nesters for a few years with a new home and looking forward to new adventures, to being primary care givers to their son. He had to learn how to do the very basic tasks of independent living again. His brain injury affected his vision, speech, left arm movement and his left leg.

I can safely say that my parents have earned lots of feathers for their angel wings in heaven. They gave up their lives to take care of my brother. Not only did it affect them, but it affected me, my children and every family activity we have done for the last 25 years. We have to worry - is where we are going handicap accessible? Can he get in and out when stairs are involved? How do we get the wheelchair in and out of the car? Who is going to push him or help him?  Is handicap parking available?  I can tell you that quite often the handicap parking is full, so we have to get him out and situated, then go park somewhere else while he waits on us.

It's not all been difficult, because we have learned that you either laugh or cry, and often, we do both. Humor came to our family as a way of coping. Often my brother, who is fairly independent in spite of his disabilities, will get into situations where he will need rescued. One year while camping he tipped his scooter over in a ditch and was yelling “man down!” until some other campers came to his rescue. We still use that phrase liberally. There is never a dull moment with him as he is very determined to get where he wants to go one way or another, regardless of the impact to anyone else. Another common phrase we often say is, “gravity is on your side,” because he seems to fall quite often. Many times, these falls require outside assistance from the local fire department to get him up.

Dad passed away last year, and Mom continues to be his primary caregiver. It is getting difficult for her to meet his daily needs, of entertaining him, getting him to appointments, taking him shopping, etc. We are now trying to figure out how alternative care and support for him will look in the future.

The point of my story is that your decision to not wear a seat belt may or may not cost you your life. Something you may not have considered is that it could cause you to have severe life-altering injuries that change not only your future, but those of your friends and family – forever.

I hope you will choose to buckle up.

 

Patty Schalk is an Applications Developer Supervisor at KDOT in Topeka.