Thursday, September 27, 2018

Notifying next of kin a dreaded duty


By Randy Mosher
Randy Mosher
As I sit here today reflecting on my 32 years as a Kansas State Trooper, it’s hard to think of a stretch of highway in southwest Kansas that I haven’t seen a fatality accident. Through the years I have had many responsibilities and duties. The duty that I dreaded the most, and that affected me the most, was the responsibility to make death notifications to the next of kin of those who died in fatality crashes.
I have been the messenger that has changed people’s lives forever, and those notifications have changed me forever. I have been hit, called a liar and asked why more times than I care to remember.
I remember every time I have pulled up to the houses of loved ones, put on my campaign hat, practiced what I was going to say, and then the long wait for someone to come to the door. Then comes the moment where the door opens, and the person realizes that there is a State Trooper at their door in the middle of the night, and their world is going to change forever.
I have told friends, and complete strangers that their loved ones would never come home again. I have shed tears for all of them. Some right there, right then. Some, at home alone or in my car. I remember all of them. Some still visit me regularly in person, and some in my dreams.
I remember one of the crashes when I was stationed in Lakin when three teenagers were killed, and I was the first on scene. I remember the helpless feeling of not being able to help the victims. I remember talking to the entire high school where the kids went to school and telling them what I could about the accident, but most of all I remember their parents.
I remember an accident in Finney county that killed four people. I made notification to one person’s parents in Lakin and still remember the faces of his parents today. Those same parents played in a local band for years and played at the Kansas State Fair. I was working the fair when they were playing, and they saw me on a golf cart patrolling the fairgrounds. They called to me on the microphone and said they wanted to play a song for me. They explained to the crowd that I had made the notification of their son’s death and they wanted to play a song for me. That was the day that the big trooper on the golf cart cried his eyes out!
I remember one of my last notifications. I was at home taking my dinner break, when dispatch called me about a fatality crash involving a motorcycle north of Garden City. Dispatch told me the name of the person killed and my heart sank. It was a friend of mine. I went to Garden City High School with him and his wife and had worked with both in different capacities. I visit his final resting place often.
Fatality crashes affect so many people and communities.  I have been to many of the funerals of those killed in crashes that I have worked. The families and the communities are forever changed. As I reflect on these crashes I think “only if,” only if circumstances had been different and we had not lost these lives? I ask each of you who reads this to think what they can do to put the brakes on fatalities.

Captain Randy Mosher is the Troop E Commander for the Kansas Highway Patrol.


 

17 comments:

  1. Well said Trooper. This is one of the emotionally toughest things for a law enforcement officer to do.

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  2. I can't imagine having to tell a family they lost a loved one. Thank you for your service and for helping families through those difficult times. And thanks for sharing your story - I'm sure many first responders are impacted by fatality crashes.

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  3. I understand completely. I worked A&I for 5 years at my department, and the responsibility for the death notification fell on the assigned investigator's shoulders. I worked HARD to get promoted and back to patrol to get away from it. I, too, still remember the names and faces.....

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  4. I am sure this is a very hard thing to do and a heavy burden to carry. Blessings to you and your family as I am sure it sometimes affects them too. Thank you for your service and all you do.

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  5. I remember my kids at a yearly fourth of July party at his mother-in-laws house. Hundred of dollars in fire works getting ready to set off. A police squad car pulls up to one of their neighbors home and everyone outside just stood still and watched. After the officer at the door speaks to someone there, all they hear and heard every day since was the wale of a broken soul. Everything quietly picked up and put away. You cannot celebrate when such grief is so close. Thank you for all that you did and continue to do. God help you.

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  6. What a powerful piece. We know the impact crashes have on those involved and their families, but often don't think about how they affect our troopers and emergency workers. Thank you for bringing this to light.

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  7. I remember that late night call with the motorcycle wreck on north 83 like it was yesterday. I remember all of us waiting for you to get there so we could walk up with you to the door. He was a co-worker and a long time friend. The whole time waiting for you I thought to myself what would I say. Thank you Randy for what you do.

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  8. A very difficult thing to do. I’m a retired trooper and have done the same many times. I always worked rural counties. Sometimes at the accident scene or the ER I was told which church the victim had attended. I usually made the notifications myself, a few times the victims minister would go with me. Either way it was not easy. Worse case that I remember. The father of a young victim (high school cheerleader) went to the local PD and pulled a gun on the dispatcher. He heard about the accident before I arrived at the family home. Not going into details about that situation other than the father was jailed for a short time. Many times family members are aware of the situation before a trooper leaves the scene or shortly after he arrives at the ER. Like I said, I worked rural counties, word traveled fast.

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  9. Well said and my heart goes out to all who have to make these notifications - I was only in on a few of them in my 32 years in the fire service and one to a family member of a fatality accident I responded on - bless you for your service

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  10. Well said Randy. Thank you.

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  11. Dang bro... You are stronger than anyone I know, I'm proud to be your friend...

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  12. A Trooper had to notify my stepfather that his father and brother had both died in a semi-truck crash on I-70. I was amazed then that such enormous compassion could accompany such graceful professionalism. Thank you, Trooper. I hope your well-written account spares your colleagues at least a few such occasions.

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  13. We had that knock on the door at 4 am one morning. It would take a heart of stone for the officers not to get emotionally involved. God Bless officers everywhere.

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  14. Wow, I'm speechless after reading your words. As I got towards the end I felt a familiar tightness in my throat and my eyesight was blurred with tears.
    You sir are far more man than I am. I'm not sure I could be as strong as you.
    Although it may be considered a thankless job, I would like to truly thank you for your service from the bottom of my heart!

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  15. I too have had the duty to be the bearer of news that no one wants to hear. I served as Sheriff of Kearny County for more that 34 years and delivered way too many death notices to folks whose faces are forever etched in my memory. Capt. Moser you did a great job of explaining our role in death notifications and its permenant effect on us in law enforcement. God bless you and stay safe.

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